Teenagers are more sleep-deprived than ever. Apparently.
Apparently kids today are a danger to us because they haven't been getting enough sleep. What a bunch of wimps! I discovered coffee at age 15, and it changed my life. I'd got to sleep at 11:30 and wake up at 5:30 on school nights, and my grades were... well, never mind about that. The point is, I was a tough, coffee-drinking son-of-a-bitch, and I made my history teachers quake with fear, while I made my French teachers squeal with delight.
Nothing has changed, except I've lost some hair and have gotten even better in history and totally fluent in French. Moral: coffee makes you smart and tough and into a potential Nobel laureate, just like me.