Friday, April 07, 2006

Bush approval hits new lows—again.

Every day it seems there's a headline announcing that Bush has hit a new low in the polls. This isn't exactly accurate; it's more that Bush keeps hitting new lows in different polls. His new low on Rasmussen might not occur on the same day as his new low at Zogby or his new low at Gallup. Is this fair? I guess not, but then, was it fair listening to Bush hitting new highs in the polls a few years ago, following America's intelligence failure that caused September 11? Things seem to balance out.

Republicans are the party with the plans, they keep telling us. "Corrupt and powerful is better than honest and in the minority," says GOP strategist Snidely Whiplash. "We bought Congress through the K Street Project, and by God, we're not going to let it slip through our fingers just because of a few throwback 'good government' types," Whiplash continued. "Republicans prevail!"

Vice President Dick Cheney, the man behind the second-most-celebrated vice presidential gunplay in history, says he's proud of his work. "With our coming Christianity First bill, along with our planned 2007 invasion of Iran, we expect to have my approval rating in the single digits, and the president's will probably drop down from where its precarious mid-30s to somewhere closer to his IQ. We realize that absolute zero approval is unlikely, but it does give us something to shoot for."

Republicans plan to recoup their losses following the Jack Abramoff scandals. "We can't lose Congress this fall!" shouted an apoplectic Senator Conrad Burns (R-Montana.) "It's ours! I've got receipts!" The purchase of congressmen is not tax deductable, but Senator Burns has introduced legislation to change that. Experts agree that if this bill passes, it is unlikely that tax deductability on purchased congressmen will be made retroactive.

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