Friday, December 12, 2008

Rod Blagojevich attains new heights of corruption and stupidity

So Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich had a complaint. On page 66 of Patrick Fitzgerald's indictment against him it reads, "In a conversation with Harris on November 11, the charges state, Blagojevich said he knew that the President-elect wanted Senate Candidate 1 for the open seat but 'they're not willing to give me anything except appreciation. [Expletive] them.'"

Wow. It's no secret that Blagojevich is corrupt and has a political tin ear, but I'm astonished at how rotten he is. And stupid. I understand Blagojevich was considering appointing himself to the Senate because that would offer him more legal resources, should he need them, and it might position him for a 2016 presidential run. A presidential run. The man is insane.

The only logical explanation I can come up with is that the governor must have been drinking the agricultural runoff from the Illini River. There's no way normal head injuries could cause thinking that's this addled.

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Citibank cuts its lollipop budget

Banks have always passed out lollipops at drive-through teller windows, but I always figured it was just a nice thing that the local manager did. It never occurred to me that there was a corporate budget item behind it.

Of course, when I was young enough to get a lollipop ("sucker" in my neck of the woods) at a drive-through, there were still local banks. There were six branches of McDowell Bank, which served western Mercer County, Pennsylvania, since the first settlers drained the wetlands and built the town where I grew up in. We had an annoying ritual at the drive-through when we were kids. Mum would be sitting in the car, getting things ready to stick in the pneumatic tube, so my siblings and I would crouch down into the seat wells and start chanting, sotto voce, "Sucker! Sucker! Sucker!" The money and the suckers would come back in the pneumatic tube, bringing blessed relief to my mother, who had to put up with that nonsense.

Anyway, the company that pays Sallie Krawcheck $10.5 million a year (not including $11 million in stock options per year) and Chuck Prince nearly $30 million a year (and another $13 million in stock options) is embracing fiscal austerity by ceasing to pass out suckers at the drive-through bank locations. Excellent. They sure know the best corners to cut.

These bastards won't learn anything until we storm their corporate offices and start fixing their heads on the ends of broom handles.

Suckers for all!