Perhaps in preparation for the
feasibility of Social Security, God decided to lower the lifespan of human
beings to 120. It was a time when God
was having second thoughts, and started thinking about destroying everything
and everyone He had made. Making matters
worse were other gods, which had to make God very uncomfortable. These other gods were called Nephilim, and
were having sex with the human females on earth, which no doubt made the human
males very uncomfortable, as well. Even
someone as cool as a shepherd can’t compete against a celestial being, after
all. God was going to kill all of
them—except for Noah, whom He liked.
God liked Noah because Noah
was the only honest man He could find.
This is why He felt comfortable telling Noah that he was going to kill
everyone pretty soon, and that He was going to do it with a flood, so a boat
might be in order. A big one. In fact, God was specific, saying to build
the thing with a cypress framework, covered with reeds, then covered with
pitch. The boat was called an ark, and
was to be 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits tall, which is more
than twice the size of a 1998 Ford Expedition SUV. The ark was to have three decks, and was to
be stocked with two of every animal in the world, plus enough food for them and
Noah and his family. This was not a
request but an order, making Noah the first person ever pressed into naval
service.
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